Two Identify Salmon Murdalizer

June 17, 1997 - Two women, including a sister of alleged salmon murdalizer David Dingee, sought the reward for providing information on the retired nuclear physicist who threatened to boil a fresh Copper River salmon and feed it to his cat.

The South Florida man, however, eluded capture on Father's Day. The bold murdalizer taunted editors at The Sheehan World by sending photos of his cat and the apparently dead-on-arrival salmon.

Thufferin` Thucatash!

Marie Key, a sister of Dingee, dropped the dime on her little brother as soon as she learned he was being sought in early June. And top-notch Philadelphia reporter Ramona Smith tipped the Northwest Salmon Police after recognizing a description of the suspect in The Sheehan World.

"Having met the alleged culprit at your wedding, and having spent some pleasant time chatting with him, I suspect that he must have been driven by some Greater Force -- like a desire to savor salmon," Smith told The Sheehan World editors.

Salmon Murdalizer Still At Large

June 5, 1997 -- The Pacific Northwest Salmon Police are on the lookout for a retired nuclear physicist who murdalized a fresh Copper River salmon this week by freezing it.

Do you know this man?

The 69-year-old scientist is believed to be hiding out in Florida and waiting for a Father's Day barbecue.

"I sent a beautiful piece of fish to my uncle to thank him for his hospitality," said Beatles musician Chuck Dingée, who returned recently from a business trip in Florida. "I never dreamed he would murdalize it!" Dingée, of Bellingham, Wash., said his uncle, whom he would not identify, apologized for freezing the Copper River salmon, which is available only during May and June every year.

"I didn't think it would take a rocket scientist to know you don't ever, ever, ever freeze Copper River salmon," Dingee added. The uncle reportedly claimed he had no choice. "I had just bought and smoked $25 worth of farm-raised salmon," the murdalizer-suspect was quoted as saying. The suspect reportedly told Dingee he had already overdosed on the farm-raised stuff and a $3.98 bottle of wine and therefore had to put the fresh Copper River sockeye fillet in his freezer with the ice cream, frozen chicken, peas, TV dinners and god-knows-what-else.

The penalty for such a crime is $25 worth of smoked, farm-raised salmon, no wine.

The Sheehan World is offering a reward for capture of the fugitive. Informed sources say he may try to flee to Thailand or South America to escape the shame of his crime.

The Freezer Fugitive Replies:

June 6, 1997

Your "all points" bulletiin (sic) has caused me to change my plans. In order not to be caught on Father's Day by smoker-detecting dogs I have decided to boil, mince and grind the subject sammon (sic) and make croquettes. And I'll serve it with catsup! (sick)

However, if you call off the search I will treat the salmon with the respect it should be afforded and follow the recipe provided by the World-Game's famous chef.


The freezer

The Sheehan World